Memory's longing, Memory's flight
by Belenzie
Summary: 25 years later Harry regains posession of the resurrection stone...will he use it? and if so who will he see?...if anyone?...R&R


**A/N I posted this before and well the format was all wrong, and i got a few pointed reviews reminding me so...well I'm trying again, and hopefully its easier on the eyes this time around...and ff . net is still not co-operating it looks fine here, but the actual page is all messed up ...sigh sorry guys...i've redone this 6 times and I don't know what else to do to fix it..**

_**Memory's longing, Memory's flight**_

He couldn't believe it, he figured the old saying "better left forgotten" _would_have been the best Idea, but things never go his way…for long… he knew it was a reckless move tojust leave it there, on the ground, even if the place was "forbidden" it didn't mean someone was never going to go in there and find it, and to top it all off he didn't know if he should feel relieved or aghast that it was his own son that found it among the foliage , during one of his only detentions at his tenure at hogwarts. On the upside at least it was Al who found it and not James or Lily, out of all his children Al took all the old war stories to heart and understood all the lessons that were entailed in them, whether blatantlyobvious or the more subtler ones.

" if only I had all that slytherin perception at his age"

Of course he didn't write him immediately when he realized what he might have had in his possession, but he didn't jump ahead and experiment with it either. _Thank Merlin_. Hehad waited until the end of term. The following evening after everyone had went up to get ready for bed Al told him, and handed it over while they were both enjoying a late nightcup of tea. When Al had told him that he didn't try to use it, Harry believed him instantly, he didn't even need to hear the obvious.

" who exactly would there be for me to see dad? Everyone important is still here, or a part of them are in portraits. I wasn't even alive to miss them".

Of course that didn't stop Harry from wanting to talk more, explain things that didn't really need explaining, but then Al turned to him with that piercing look and asked

" are you going to use it"?

Harry went mute and numb all at once, he couldn't even articulate a one syllable answer; he broke eyecontact first and stared down at the ring in his hand, the same gold bandsame black cracked stone, and the emblem still clearly etched in it, not a thing was different about it then it was twenty five years ago on that night, and Harry figured his feelings on things that according to Hermione" are better left alone" hadn't either. Al picked up on more of Harrys' feelings and thoughts than he would have liked but agreed anyway to his suggestion to go to his study, and not to worry he would take care of mom until he was done. And so that's how he ended up here, alone confused and yet a little excited in his study, he could make out the crescent moon through its solitary window. He couldn't help but smile every time he looked out this window….. Ginny couldn't understand why out of every room in the house he choose this tiny room as his personal study, after trying out several other rooms in Grimmauld place he finally settled on this one and after he placed an old desk a shelf for his books and a lounging chair in it Ginny compared it to a cell, he didn't scoff or correct her, he just looked at the small window , and scanned the room and turned back to her and said simply

" I don't feel out of place here, it feels familiar almost, like I've had it forever, I like it "

She gave him a very peculiar look then, but he shrugged d it off, and started placing some of his books on the shelf. He understood his reasoning behind it, even if the others didn't and when Ron and Hermione both tried to talk to him about it, he just told them flat out to leave it it's his study, his house and he'd have it in whatever room he wanted. Of course he knew what they were thinking, he thought about it every time he came in here after a visit with Dudley, or even rarer a visit to old privet drive. But he felt comfortable here, he could get his paper work done easily and when one of his moments of brooding came upon him, he found it easier to deal with it here, and he assumed everyone else did  
>as well. But enough with that topic, he had something more trying to think about, he looked down at the ring again, or more specifically the resurrection stone. As soon as he sat down and fully acknowledged its weight in his palm he knew he wanted to use it, but the more he mused the idea over, the less sure he became, yes his mother and father crossed his mind often , how could they not when two of his children were named after them, and of course Sirius as well, and well every time teddy came over he thought of Remus and Tonks, but he didn't feel the undying urge or need he did all those years ago while he was at Hogwarts, and even the feelings during the few years after the war were not there, and if he was honest with himself, they were never too strong, or on the forefront of his mind because, well he would of returned to the forest long ago if that was the case Hermione's warnings or not.. But he knows he wants to use it. The emotions that he felt when Al first placed the stone in his hand are the same emotions he's feeling now, the same that would flitter across his consciousness every so often, the ones that would unexpectedly drive him to come to his study even if he had no work to do and just sit, sit and stare around the room, or to lean against the window and look out into the night sky, almost as if he was searching for something. He couldn't take it anymore he just wanted to throw the damn thing, but he needed to do it, it wasn't just a coincidence that it would be brought back to him, coincidences and Harry Potter never coexisted.<p>

With a burst of courage he closed his eyes and turned the stone in his hand over three times. He waited for the voice of someone long gone to filter in his ears but none came, sohe opened his eyes to see an empty room. He didn't know what to do, did Al just pull a horrible trick on him, no he tossed that thought out before it fully formed, but then what did it mean, does it mean he's finished grieving, there's no regret….or no more of the longing he needed as a child, or teenager, did he stop loving the people he loved so dearly when they were alive, or had he somehow spiritually forgotten them, losing whatever connection he had that would have them to him now, in their almost solid lifelike forms harry was just starting to get himself worked into a mild hysteria when he heard... a sound that he hears almost every day of his life, but a specific sound that he hasn't heard for longer than the stone has been gone…

"Hedwig"?

He whispered too shocked to say it any louder…he hears it again stronger this time, and almost teasing. Harry slowly spun around and there sitting on top of his bookshelf was the form of a snowy white owl, more solid than a ghost, but not quite solid enough to be real. He stared at her stared at her like he did to the form of his mother, from the first time he used the stone, the emotions, he had felt so many times over the years, the yearning for something missing filled him again, but as the form that was Hedwig, but at the same time not ruffled her feathers and cocked her head in all too familiar way his heart clenched and he raised his arm up, and he hoped that it would work, for last time he had no reason or want to touch the forms that were his loved ones resurrected but this time, he needed it, he needed this familiar comfort more than anything.

Hedwig spread her wings and softly landed on his wrist the weight nowhere near as heavy as it was in times past but by Merlin it was there with his other hand he brought it to her neck and scratched just the way she liked it, a contented hoot escaping her beak and when he stopped to rub at the tears he was now aware were slowly running down his cheeks she reacted sharply and bent her head down and bit his fingers, of course no wound was left behind, he felt more like the feeling of cold water running over his finger than  
>anything, but he got the message, " what you crying for you dolt" and then he started talking to her reminiscing explaining, apologizing yes definitely apologizing for he came to the conclusion long ago that she might have lived, and survived many more years if it wasn't for his stupidity, out of all the other times he left Privet Drive, why then didn't he let her out of that blasted cage, to fly free in the sky her true home, like all the other times before. She had died locked up in cage with no way to protect herself he had failed once again in protecting something…someone he cared so much about the one thing, the one friend who was always there for him, and always understood him even when he was being an absolute prat.<p>

" I'm so sorry girl, I didn't think, and then you were gone, and then I let, I let you get destroyed, still in that bloody cage, you should have at least got to fly one last time".

He bowed his head over her trying to breathe in a scent that was nonexistent still letting a steady stream of tears fall from his eyes, and through his beloved Hedwig he didn't know how long he sat there listening to the soft hooting of the bird memory, and stroking her feathers as best as he could manage, but he knew when it was time to say goodbye  
>for suddenly Hedwig spread her wings and took flight circling the room. One last decision crossed His mind, he crossed the room in a matter of four steps. He opened the window and moved aside as the spirit like Hedwig flew out of it heading straight for the moon, and with all the strength Harry could muster he threw the stone after her and in a blink of an eye she was gone but he smiled closing his eyes looking back at multiple memories where a snowy owl fully solid, fully alive flew out of a window almost just like this one into a<br>night toward a moon that looked just like this one. Harry slowly opened his eyes and whispered one last thing hoping the wind would take it where she could hear him .

"bye girl, love you."

Harry awoke the next morning late, by the time he reached the kitchen everyone was already seated eating breakfast, Al didn't say anything to him, but the raised eyebrow in his direction when Harry finally made eye contact said enough, and Harry just raised an eyebrow in return and shrugged, he knew his son well enough that he knew Al would let it lie,  
>and let harry tell him what happened, if he ever choose to. Harry quickly drank a glass of juice and swallowed down two pieces of toast where he then got up and headed toward to the fireplace already reaching for the Floo powder container. He had almost thrown it in when Ginny actually realized he was going to leave without an explanation or even saying good bye.<p>

" and where Mr. Potter do you think you're going"?

Harry just turned and said simply

" Diagon Alley"

that didn't seem to satisfy Ginny because she followed that with a

" and what do you need to do there that is so important that you can't say goodbye to your family, or ask if we wanted to join you?",

Harry normally got defensive with the tone she was using but he was into much of a good mood to let it bother him.

" I have some business I have to take care, something I should have done a long time ago, "

With the sudden widening of her eyes Harry felt it would be in his best interesting to mollify her a little bit.

" I'll be back within a half hour Gin, don't worry its nothing super dangerous, just going out to buy something "

Before she could respond he threw the powder into the fire and stepped into the now green flames saying clearly.

"The Leaky Cauldron".

With a quick hello to Alice and her two girls that were helping her mind the bar Harry stepped out into the street and made a beeline for a store he hadn't entered since his first year. By the time he reached the front door of the shop all the courage and determination he woke up with that morning seemed to have vanished. He closed his eyes, and took a  
>few moments to collect himself, taking a few deep calming breathes. It was smelling the scent he so wished for the night before that convinced him to open his eyes and look up at the old paint chipped sign of '<em>Eeylops Owl Emporium'<em>and step in. For last night, Harry realized after 25 years it was about time he got himself a new owl, and he Knew, just what breed he'd get.

A/N This was supposed to be just a drabble but the idea went on, and hopefully it wasn't too long winded ,and I hope everyone who reads it likes it, and hopefully feels even a tiny bit of the emotion I did when I was writing it….well hope you enjoyed R&R please!

A/N2...ok is at fault...can anyone tell me how to set my stories in word without it resulting in doing THIS?^^^^^^^^^^ it would be greatly appreciated


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